Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face

On Goals, But Not Really Probably

So people like to say that successful people set goals and review them and work toward them every day but WHAT IF YOUR GOALS GET BORING, is the thing.

That's what I've noticed happens to me and I think is one of the problems I have in setting goals, the fear of it getting boring.

It took five years of having a YouTube channel and posting to it when I felt like it to finally commit to the goal of making a video once a week. I still haven't set a goal about what KIND of videos to make. Or what DAY of the week to post. Just making one video a week is good enough. I figure if I do it enough, patterns will emerge, and I can cobble a channel out of that maybe?

And then there's my novel. I can't tell you how many times I've written down the goal of "Finish my novel THIS YEAR!" Like three or four years, I think, that's how many. See, I can't tell you, because I'm too lazy to look it up.

What I CAN tell you is I've been plugging away at Holly Lisle's How To Revise Your Novel course for however many years, determined to finish the fucker, and then I'll just randomly lose interest. Months will pass, usually three to six months, then it will start knocking on my head again, like, "Hey, come back, finish me you asshat."

It's started to do it again. And every time I work on it, I get these wild ideas like writing is supposed to be my Capital "P" Profession. And then I find something else shiny, lose interest in the novel and writing in general again, and run off into the sunset with the new whatever-it-is.

I rotate around things and keep coming back to them, just never with any reliability or consistency.

Though I really do feel this is the year I'll finish the god damn novel, considering I'm at the re-writing stage now, and I've got pretty rock solid notes on what needs to happen. The biggest hindrance is that Holly insists on hand-writing the re-write, then going back and typing it all in, and I'm normally a "type-like-the-wind-and-accept-whatever-fuckery-flies-from-my-fingers" sort of writer. Handwriting is painfully slow, especially when the sentence is in my head and I forget how it ends by the time I've written the beginning, where at a keyboard I could just bang it out as I think it. Also my penmanship isn't that great when I'm really chugging along, and then there's the fact that my hand eczema likes to flare up sometimes and make writing legitimately painful.

BUT, I'm stubborn and determined to work through the course at least one time as per Holly's specifications, because I like following directions and trusting processes. And I've re-written by hand three or four scenes already, and they were actually kind of fun to do by hand, so we'll see. WE'LL SEE. It's mostly the overwhelm of starting, knowing I've got so much book to do, my handwriting is so slow, and I will have to dive back into the story and figure out what's going on and re-read all my notes and all that shit. But I do it every time I pick the thing back up, so that's what I get for my process being so jacked up, I guess.

I kind of want to dig it out right now, but I have to make hoops. I HAVE to, I have some that are due to ship out today and I've been so bad at getting them out on time. I really wish I could afford to close the shop, but it earns me just enough money to not want to lose those sales. I'm hoping eventually YouTube will earn me what the shop earns me (in my lazy state of not promoting and just getting one to three sales a week, which I can't even keep up with having a real job and a desire to do anything else instead).

Anyway. Now I'm just babbling and bitching. What was this post about? I don't know.

I'm hoping if I keep posting to LJ, posts will eventually come easily again. They used to just fall out of me without any trouble at all, now it's like, "What should I talk to LJ about today?" And I don't know if that's due to losing interest in things or just doing more writing in my personal journals, WHO KNOWS, BRAINS ARE WEIRD, I WISH I STILL LOVED THINGS THE WAY I DID WHEN I WAS TWENTY.

How are you today?
Tags: bitching, blah, rambling, whining, work, writing, youtube

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