They were like, "HOLY BALLSACKS, YOU NEED TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE IMMEDIATELY OR IT WILL EXPLODE AND YOU WILL DIE IN A GIANT-ASS FIREBALL THAT CONSUMES YOUR ENTIRE STREET."
And I was like, "Dudes...are you sure?"
And they were like, "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
Long story short, someone ended up calling the fire department on my behalf because by the time it got to that point, I was so overwhelmed by everyone freaking out that I was afraid to talk to ANYONE because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it calmly.
So the fire department comes out to my place with their GOD DAMN SIRENS BLARING, and I was pretty damn embarrassed and was like, "Um, Facebook told me to call you, I'm sorry."
So they were like, "Doot doot doot, your pilot light's out, do you have a lighter or a match?" And I was like, "Yes." And they were like, "Done." And I was like, "Am I going to die?" And they were like, "No." And I was like, "Cool, I will tell Facebook so they will calm their tits."
And the moral of the story is that if you're worried you're panicking about something you don't need to panic about, don't ask Facebook for advice.