Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face


Feeling vaguely down in the dumps today. No motivation to do any of the things.

I had a dream that the Internet went out all over the world and plunged the Earth into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Probably that wouldn't really happen if the Internet went out (I mean, there was life before online), it would just really suck. But I think that feeling is contributing to my funk.

I took the public transit to Arlington yesterday to see my mom, little sister, and Megan. The actual visiting of friends and family was great (especially since I got to see a bonus Jeffrey who happened to be at the same Jason's Deli my mom and sister and I were at). Unfortunately, it was sandwiched in between the getting there and getting back home.

I was gone from my house a total of 10 hours yesterday. I spent exactly half of that time on buses, trains, and waiting for buses and trains.

Taking the public transportation is a strange experience. I ended up talking to people I wouldn't normally talk to, and honestly wouldn't have any desire to talk to otherwise. Do you ever find yourself dumbing yourself down for the sake of having a conversation with strangers? I did that at least twice yesterday.

I didn't pay close enough attention to the departure times for the train, and ended up getting stuck on the train platform for over an hour, having a conversation with some dudes about how robots are going to take everyone's jobs, how it's stupid to eat from anywhere except the dollar menu, what a great show Duck Dynasty is, and how cell phones have memory, not RAM; RAM is just for computers.

During that last one, all I could think about was this:

Anyway, I didn't do much actual conversing during all that, just a lot of smiling and nodding. But I didn't feel like I was in a place to actually say things, because I didn't want to confuse/overwhelm these guys. That feels like a stupendously dickish and pretentious thing to say, but in my experience (largely from working jobs with people who aren't as interested in, like, things that aren't reality shows), trying to actually contribute my thoughts on a given subject ends in a lot of blank stares and pitying chuckles, and no actual stimulating conversation.

I don't mind the long rides, or even the waiting, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I'd give anything to not have to fake that I'm a simpleton just to get through conversations (especially ones I don't initiate).

Anyway. I feel bad calling people I don't know much about simpletons. Probably they are very nice people. But god damn.

There was one time I was waiting for the train and heard people talking about Dr. Who and Harry Potter, and I was like, "MY PEOPLE!" And I attached myself to them until the train arrived, but unfortunately, that is the exception, not the norm.

I feel like I'm bitching about this too much and not focusing on the fact that I got to see people I actually DO like talking to in the middle. The extended wait kind of put a damper on the rest of my day, in that it felt like I didn't get a rest of the day.


I'm also on the second day of my period and being on Ibuprofen to lessen the cramps always makes my head feel like it's stuffed with cotton. I have stuff I should be doing but I don't want to do any of it...but then I just feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm trying to give myself a mental day off, but my brain is having none of it. Looking at my kitchen depresses me. Looking at the novel I'm not currently revising depresses me. Watching Orange is the New Black depresses me because I feel like I haven't earned it.

Maybe I should just let myself have a depressed day.


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