It is because my mom freaked out about two seconds into our lack of internet and put one of those eight zillion free hours of AOL on our laptop.
I am using AOL with a dialup connection.
I am in internet HELL, my friends.
I know, I know, at least I HAVE the internet, I shouldn't be bitching.
ANYWHOOSLE, I did not in fact post the previous entry, Anne did, but it is so hilarious that I will leave it.
THE EPIC ADVENTURES OF CHEWBOB AND THE ROOM THAT WAS
--WAS YOUR MOM!!!
We begin our story on a day like any other. The sun was shining, birds were conceivably singing somewhere in the universe, and Chewbob's room, like so many other things in life that are taken for granted, was a mess.
But not just ANY mess. A living, breathing, MASS of a mess. A mess so persistant that despite mountains of garbage being hauled away, it seemed to GROW. LIKE A THING POSSESSED.
Today was the day that Chewbob decided she would at least try to make a dent in this mess. She would have to use all her strength, all her weapons, all her knowledge of fighting unearthly creatures that she had learned from Buffy, to fight this menace.
She started by taking a shower.
Once she was sufficiently clean, IT BEGAN.
First came the trecherous mountains of St. Laundrysburg. Chewbob thought she could scale them, as she had come prepared with a fully loaded automatic washing machine, with a soap gun at the ready. But she was not prepared to find THE MOTHER OF ST. LAUNDRYSBURG ALREADY INSIDE. So she got her mother.
Who folded her laundry.
Then Chewbob ATTACKED. It was a bitter, vicious battle that the machines fought for her while she did OTHER THINGS.
These things involved battling a new foe, a grimy felon who lived deep within the depths of her carpet. A carpet known to some as a disgusting, stain ridden excuse for carpet, but known to Chewbob as...her carpet. Chewbob knew she only had one feesible choice. To unleash her pet vaccuum.
So she got her mother again.
Who got out the vaccuum for her.
Chewbob knew the stakes were high, and so were the piles of crap. She muttered something about how the stakes were here, but now they're HERE.
Valiantly her (mom's) pet vaccuum cleaner fought. Several times, she thought it was done for, like when it sucked up that penny accidentally. But somehow, someway, it made it through the grime in...her carpet.
But no sooner was...her carpet...cleared, than an even greater foe appeared.
The E.V.I.L.* Dresser-Chewbob's-had-forever-but-no-lon
To overcome the E.V.I.L. DCHFBNLWTHTUSIHOCRAMTM, Chewbob would have to remove ALL of its internal organs and move it out...INTO THE HALL.
So Chewbob got a bag, labeled it "clothes for goodwill", and carefully and methodically removed EVERYTHING INSIDE the E.V.I.L. DCHFBNLWTHTUSIHOCRAMTM until it could no longer survive. Then, very carefully, shoved that mofo into the hall like it ain't no thang.
Chewbob felt so accomplished that she decided to rest for the day.
She went downstairs...only to find that she had reached St. Laundrysburg's difficult to pass Folding Path.
**Will Chewbob manage to cross Folding Path?? Was the E.V.I.L. DCHFBNLWTHTUSIHOCRAMTM the most unneccesary villian name you've ever seen???? Will Chewbob's mother continue to assist her on her journey, or will she stake out alone??????? Find out tomorrow, when Chewbob MAY or MAY NOT continue to....
CLEAN HER ROOM.
*Every Villan Is Lemons