Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face

Yoga Day Four Reflections - Why Not Today?

Today was the first day since I started going back that I woke up and had to battle myself out of bed despite my brain going, "Noooooo, I don't want to get up early and drive to Ft. Worth to stand in a hot room and suffer, I want to sleeeeeeeeeep." I managed to talk myself into it by reminding myself that the classes you least want to attend are the ones you need the most. And also I didn't have a choice, I paid for the challenge. I pulled myself out of bed after cycling through thirty minutes of snooze, drove to class, got there and figured today's class would probably suck because I felt so awful, but I'm trying to do the whole "every day is different so don't have expectations" thing. So I let myself feel crappy as long as I needed to feel crappy, and did my best to just listen to the dialogue and do as I was instructed.

Here's something I noticed I do a lot in class. I'll get into one of the postures I consider "hard", and I won't really push to improve it. I'll think, "Well, I don't feel very well today, or my focus just isn't really here today, or I'm not feeling very strong today, or my joints aren't really into it today, so I won't really push today, I'll work harder on improving this tomorrow." And I'll let you guess what happens tomorrow. The same thing.

So today in class, while I was bent over and grabbing my feet and staring down at the floor, I went into my normal pattern of, "Well, I just want to relax from the balancing postures, I'll touch my forehead to the floor one of these days, but today I think I'll just hang out." Then out of nowhere, something snapped and I said to myself (quite firmly), "What is wrong with today? Why not try to reach your forehead to the floor today? You may not get there, but at least you aren't just giving up. 'Someday' is vague and undefinable. Today is here, now, concrete, and can be worked at and improved upon. Shut up and DO IT."

So I did it. Well, I didn't touch my forehead to the floor, but I stopped making excuses for not trying to, and just pulled like you're supposed to and tried like you're supposed to. I mean, I paid money for this class, money I set aside for four weeks to be able to go back, money I pulled from the nooks and crannies of my budget, a dollar at a time, for the opportunity to stand in this hot room and try to touch my forehead to the floor. What sense did it make to pay that money, drive all the way over here, and then not push? None.

So there's my reflection for the day. Why not work on improvement today, instead of just magically expecting it to appear somewhere down the line? This is something that will likely take some effort to apply to the other aspects of my life, but at least I can work on it bit by bit in these classes.

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