Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face

Book 1/15 - Breaking Dawn

Yesterday my goal was to finish the last 100 some odd pages of Breaking Dawn and be DONE with the stupid thing, and I DID IT, and I have successfully completed my first book of 2009! Also, I got my first book in the mail! Water For Elephants. It's on my to-read list right after I finish Harry, A History.

ANYWAY, I have to say that I'm pretty sure Breaking Dawn is the best book in the series. It brought me back to that whole "it's a good story and everything, it's just that the writing is atrocious." Also, there is no reason WHATSOEVER that thing had to be 754 pages. Oh my god. Smeyer could have crammed that plot into a 300 page book just fine if her editors were doing their damn jobs. KILL YOUR DARLINGS, STEPHENIE, AND BY THAT I MEAN EVERY CHARACTER IN YOUR BOOK EXCEPT JACOB. Anyway. The point is, I actually enjoyed it for the most part. I enjoyed the Jacob section the most. Actually, that's a lie, sadly enough I enjoyed the weird bit at the end when Bella's going to visit Alice's "guy" in the back alley and it was all detective mystery style for a few pages...I dug that.

The Volturi - lame. They totally should have just ripped those dude's throats out. And I would have loved to have gone one book without Bella being all "ZOMG I'M GOING TO DIE BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I WANT TO DIE FOR THE PEOPLE I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE." Edward stayed boring...Renesmee is still a stupid name...Jacob got pretty boring after he imprinted.

If someone else took over the writing that could actually write an interesting book (say, JC Hutchins), I'd actually be kind of interested in seeing the adventures of Renesmee once she's all up and grown. That is, if she HAS any adventures and her life isn't one boring-ass ball of perfection. Things could really fuck up for her! It could be kind of neat! Oh, please, lord, don't let me write fanfic for this.

Edward: "Carlisle, I did it! I figured out why Bella is magically perfect and could instantly think for herself and perform feats of amazingness when pretty much every other newborn vampire ever spent, like, a year craving nothing but human blood!"

Carlisle: "You did?"

Edward: "Yes!"

Carlisle: "Why Edward, this is fantastic! This could help my research ten-fold, we could have scads of perfect newborns wandering around, being turned pain-free*, all joining my delightfully strange and quirky family! Tell me, what is the secret?"

Edward: "Well, the secret is, she's a fucking Mary Sue!"

Carlisle: *sighing heavily* "Edward, that's no secret."

*BTW, Bella TOTALLY NEVER TOLD THEM THE MORPHINE DIDN'T WORK. I was waiting for THAT shitstorm to explode. Never did. WAY TO SUCK.

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