I went and got all professionally measured by professionals and stuff, and after five professional opinions, we discovered my True Inner Boob Size. Possibly even my Outer Boob Size.
FIRST: HOW YOUR BRA SIZE IS DETERMINED, AN FYI FOR THE MALE SPECIES AND THE FEMALE SPECIES WHO ARE TOO LAZY TO REMEMBER IT MORE THAN ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR WHEN BUYING BRAS:
Bra sizes consist of a number and a letter, IE: 28A, 32C, 40DD. The number is the CIRCUMFERENCE OF YOUR RIB CAGE UNDER YOUR BOOBS. Or, how many inches around you are directly under where your boobs start being boob-like. The LETTER is determined by how many inches of difference there are between your rib cage circumference, and the circumference where the fullest part of your boobs is**. IE: 1" difference = A cup. 2" = B, etc.
I've been wearing a 40DD for the past three years or so, because it's the best I could find? But I found out this weekend that it is NOT, in fact, my bra size. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY BRA SIZE ACTUALLY IS?
THAT means, I've been wearing a bra with a band size six inches too BIG, and a cup size four inches too SMALL. We could only find one store that actually carries my size without having to special order, and that was Nordstrom's, and the cheapest one was $50. If you look online at bra measuring websites? The band/cup differences don't even go up to H. I know, I just checked about six of them trying to give an example of what that really means. Most of them give up at DDDD or G. (I have no idea why there are so many freaking "D" sizes. It's werid. BRAS ARE WEIRD, YOU GUYS.)
The point is, I now own bras that actually do what bras are supposed to do! You know, support my boobs and not make me feel like they're just hanging there getting in the way? The band, it lies flat on my back! I thought that was a myth.
YOU NOW KNOW WAY MORE ABOUT MY BOOBS THAN YOU REALLY NEEDED TO.
WHO WANTS TO SEE PICTURES OF MY BOOBS FITTING IN MY NEW BRAS???? I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT IT I MAY ACTUALLY POST SOME.
*With funding from My Mother and Viewers Like You
**This sentence is grammatically correct, if a bit awkward...the subject is "part" and the verb is "is". Or maybe "part" is the direct object? I used to be really good at diagramming sentences. Anyway, if you take out extraneous words, it says "The part is", which is correct, I PROMISE.