To continue on for as long as I'm not bored with it. Updated as often as the whimsy strikes.
I know what you're doing. And it won't work. You're trying to get me distracted by that stain on my carpet that is alarmingly similar to the shape of Robert Redford's head. I don't know how that stain got there, I swear. I mean, some of the stains on my carpet are explainable, like the one over there in the corner that's an awkward shade of puce? That's from when Goatsie urinated on my mold project, and I stopped her just in time, or she would have lit it on fire.
And that one over there? That's from where Drizt and I decided to test how long it really takes before acid will eat through your carpet. Not very long apparantly! I had to call the cops, Billy Joe Bob Smith Lee was not very happy about that one...
But not this Robert Redford stain. You won't get me talking about that one, no siree.
Speaking of Robert Redford, my mom is totally in love with him. I don't know what it is. Maybe it is the alluringly alliterative nature of his name? Could be...she never really went into it. I guess that's 'cause dad's always around, spouting off cute phrases like, "Someone should shove a screwdriver in Robert Redford's left ear." I don't think he really cared for the guy. Not really sure why, I mean, Robert Redford's a totally charming actor!
Oh, hey, did I ever tell you I have a stain on my carpet that looks exactly like Robert Redford's head? It's true! It happened that day I invited Goatsie's roommate, Samantha Elbe Markovian Lizard the Great Witch of Some Small Town North of Albuquerque, over to help me cleanse the spirit of my dead adopted omlette/pancake brother out of my house, because his ghost was haunting me at night and telling me next I should try making raspberry torte, but I had to draw the line there because I'm allergic to raspberries so Samantha Elbe Markovian Lizard the Great Witch of Some Small Town North of Albuquerque said all I had to do was a simple ritual involving the head of a virgin baby and a little lye and-
Hey, someone's knocking on the door! I totally would have noticed sooner if I hadn't gotten distracted by that stain on the carpet and...hey! You tricked me! We aren't getting off to a very good start here. Well, I'm a trusting dude, as dudes go, so I'm going to give you another chance. But all this talking isn't getting a sandwich in my stomach any faster.
And I still have to pee.
...but do it better this time!
In case you're joining us late, here's Part One!