So I've been back to Bikram yoga for a week now, and GOD DAMN, I really don't know why I keep giving up on it. Well, okay, I do, it's because I have a hard time sticking with ANYTHING, even stuff that I love or am good at. It is a Problem With Me! It's the main reason I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, because I change my mind so damn often. All I really know is I want a job I love, something I don't feel like I'm suffering through, something that will pay me exorbitant sums of money and give me lots of free time, but who knows if that will ever happen?
Anyway, that's not the point. The point is I've been doing my very, very best not to become excessively preachy about yoga to my unsuspecting friends who don't really care all that much. My love for this class verges on spiritual. I can't tell you how hard it is when people complain about pain, an ache, tiredness, pretty much ANY problem, for me to not yell "YOGA CAN FIX THAT OMG COME WITH ME TO YOGA" and then drag them by their hair to a class. The only thing that really stops me is the fact that it is very similar to those people who knock on your front door and say, "Have you accepted Jesus as your lord and saviour?" I don't want to be a Bikram's Witness or anything.
But the truth is? What this class does for me is AMAZING, and I just hate the fact that people are living their lives and not realzing the benefits that are just sitting RIGHT THERE. I've taken to forcing myself to say, "It's okay, yoga isn't for everyone" whenever someone scoffs at my precious class. But I don't really believe it. I try to, but I DON'T. I really feel that if I can get off my lazy ass and do it? Me? The least athletic person on the face of the earth, the least MOTIVATED person on the face of the earth, she who starts things and never finishes them, the only person capable of hating manual labor so much that falling asleep three inches away from a pile of trash doesn't bother me in the least? If I can go to this class and freaking LOVE it so much? Everyone can.
It wasn't until this go around, which I think is my third, maybe fourth return to yoga, that I realized how much I LOVE the postures. Each and every one of them. Even the ones I suck at (which right now is close to all of them). Even when I'm having a crappy day, class is unbearably hot, I don't want to do a single thing...I'll go into a posture, come out, and say to myself, "I love the crap out of that posture." They all do so much for me, even when I can barely force myself into them.
And I didn't expect this so soon after being back, but I've already become enamoured with the idea of one day going to the teacher training. Every time I get back into yoga, I think about it. There are a million reasons not to go, the biggest and most pressing being that IT'S FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Another is that it's two months, two months solid, and who knows if I could take that much leave from any job? The reason I'd go would only partially be to become a teacher. I would love to be a teacher because so many teachers just aren't that good, they add nothing to the class, they recite the dialogue but don't correct anyone, don't encourage anyone, don't really do much of anything other than stand there. But really, what I'd do it for would be to be in the class with Bikram. To have that man yell at me, even if just once. To have him chastise me and tell me how lazy I am and how much harder I need to try. It sounds weird, but I couldn't imagine much of anything sweeter.
The teacher training is REALLY intensive, though, it's two months of yoga two times a day except for Sundays. A few years ago, I was really working on trying to gear up for it. I was taking class two times a day, just to see if I could do it, and I COULD. It was WEIRD.
That first Thursday back, a week ago, I said out loud that I wasn't even remotely up for even thinking about teacher training again. And here I am, a week later, already trying to figure out what day I could do a double class. That's GOT to say something about the yoga right there.
Okay, I could really go on about this stuff forever*, but my break's over, SO I WON'T.