Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face
kandigurl

OH MY GOD LIVEJOURNAL HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? IT'S BEEN WHAT? A WEEK? HOLY CRAP.

I need a magical internet fairy to come bless me with internet at home because that would be AMAZING. The internet is actually up at work, since the boss is having me do something for him involving his credit report. It's amazing how much of his personal stuff I do considering I'm employed at his business, but WHATEVER.

Jim and Jessie and Fraher have all discovered the wonders of Star Wars Galaxies again, which means that whenever I go over there, all the computers are tied up with gaming leaving me no interneting time.

ANYWAY, updatey things! Apparently, Drew has been telling everyone that the reason we broke up? Is because Jim and Jessie are swingers? And I decided that sounded neat so I left him, and they tried to get him to "join" to, but he wouldn't.

First of all, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Second of all, nope, Jim and Jessie aren't swingers, and no, they would never want him to "join", him being a complete stick in the mud about everything else. Third of all, I found absolute concrete evidence on the reason we broke up while I was cleaning out my car the other day.

I made the following list shortly after we broke up. August 29th, 2005, to be exact. This list? Is the reason we broke up. Because I was COMPLETELY MISERABLE AND UNHAPPY, and this was blatantly obvious to every single person I knew except for me. Reading over this list, I'm appalled at how much of it seemed exciting and amazing to get to do, since now, I don't even think about half of them. (I've crossed off the things I've done since making the list). But that's the whole point. I was completely oppressed by him, and I didn't even realize it. What I saw as making compromises for both of us to be happy was actually taking every piece of me that I loved and strangling it. This is stuff Drew simply would not let me do, and if I did do it, he would complain bitterly and make me feel completely guilty for taking any pleasure in it whatsoever. Reading back over this, I'm thanking every deity that may or may not be in existance for getting out of this relationship when I did, because god knows what would have happened if I'd gotten married to him.

Here we go, the list:
1. Go see Hanson in Tulsa on November 23rd.
Obviously I haven't done this one, as it's not November 23rd yet, but I'm still considering it, if I can round up the money.

2. Buy/make a corset.
Done both. Made one out of duct tape, and then I bought one from a girl online and wore it to the Zoe Keating concert, where I got many a compliment on it!

3. Go visit Nikki.
Now, I'm sure if I really wanted to do this, he would have let me, but money would ahve been a huge bitching point. Unfortunately, money is the only thing that has prevented me from doing this so far.

4. Go to a night club.
Mostly a money and finding people to go with me issue, as to why this has not happened yet. Been talked about, though.

5. Have a Buffy watching marathon.
OF COURSE. This happened pretty much the day I left him.

6. Have a Harry Potter watching marathon.
Not quite, but I did go see Goblet of Fire eight billion times, including midnight on opening night.

Listen to Abba/Hanson/Aerosmith/Rasputina as loudly and as long as I want.
Man, I'd forgotten how much FUN that is.

8. Cover the apartment with posters.
Had I the money, it WOULD be covered. As it stands, I bought myself a Napoleon Dynamite poster and a Harry Potter poster, put up my Hufflepuff banner, Jessie bought me ANOTHER Harry Potter poster (so they're both in my room :), and finally, FINALLY got to put up the posters of the blueprints from Mallrats that I bought from Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash TWO YEARS AGO.

9. Buy lots of scented candles and incense.
I've discovered that the most BEAUTIFUL scent in the world is the "sable" scented candles from Pier One. OH MAN. I bought two pillars, one votive and a huge stack of tea lights. I also found out there's a HOME FRANGRANCE SPRAY, which I'm totally getting the next time I have six bucks to spare.

10. Get garlic salt.
Although I haven't actually done this, I'm crossing it off because I've been using JIm and Jessie's garlic salt like mad and totally not caring that it's supposedly what losers who don't know anything about spices cook with.

11. Start writing songs again.
This one Drew didn't really not allow me to do, but I was always nervous about writing songs around him. I haven't done a whole lot, but it's more than I did before!

12. Learn to play the guitar.
Alas, time has not permitted this. Also, Jessie has my guitar. Also, I suck at instruments, apparently.

13. Work on recording a simple album.
Again with the time thing, and also a lack of recording knowledge. SOMEDAY.

14. Watch crappy movies.
Done times a billion. I've even had people watch them WITH ME. I don't care if I have horrible taste in movies, I LOVE THEM ANYWAY.

15. Fall asleep with the radio on.
Made a dang sleepytime playlist on my iPod. Thin's like sleeping CRACK.

16. Open the window more often.
Forgot about this one, actually. I ought to do it. Drew never said, NO WINDOWS OPEN or anything, it just seemed like a nice thing to do when by one's self.

17. Stay out all night.
Often as I can. Not having to worry about someone complaining about how late you were out when you get home is FREAKING AWESOME.

18. Buy sexier clothes.
Do sirts count? I would have been teased for wearing a skirt for no reason, or even wearing makeup for no reason. Sheesh.

19. Listen to Glenn Beck at home.
I CAN'T get his show to come in at home, or in my dang car!! But I listen every day at work, and I went to see his stage show in December, and I subscribed to his magazine :)

20. Participate in NaNoWriMo and actually finish.
Totally, totally, totally did. Not only that, but I then continued to write two MORE books, and it's not even next NaNoWriMo yet! I can't believe there were those two years where I couldn't finish.

The weird thing is, I made this list to cheer me up when I was horribly depressed about the whole ordeal, so I could go, "See? Look at all the stuff you can do now!" But looking back at it makes it seem HORRIBLY depressing. As if it's saying, "Look at all the stuff you COULDN'T do." I just want to go back in time and give my past self a hug. Geez louise.
Tags: bitching, drew, work
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