June 2nd, 2014

Tree Dreaming

Human Interaction, Anxiety, and Frozen Hot Chocolate

I actually left the house and hung out with friends yesterday! This is a banner achievement for me.

I've discovered that my natural inclination to sit on my butt and not move has gotten steadily worse the longer I work from home. I'm sure there are ways to combat it, and I'm attempting to figure them out, but it's slow going.

I have this anxiety surrounding being places on time. I'm really bad at it. It was my number one draw back when I had a "real job".

I've noticed that since I don't have to be anywhere on time on a regular basis anymore, my desire to put ANYTHING on the schedule that requires me to be at a certain place by a specific time is REALLY STRESSFUL for me. Even fun things, like hanging out with friends I want to see.

But I overcame said anxiety to hang out with Mir and Amanda and some other folks, and discuss Mir's plans for her new creative community. And eat foodz. And drink frozen hot chocolate, which I was skeptical about at first, because...isn't that just a milkshake? But it turns out it tastes like hot chocolate, but frozen. Just try it. How can you go wrong with chocolate, for pete's sake?

So we did way more than just drink frozen hot chocolate, but I don't think hashing out the details would be very interesting to anyone else.

I've never thought of myself (before a couple of years ago) as a person who suffered from anxiety of any sort. I always considered myself a pretty calm person in charge of her mental faculties. But I've been noticing mild anxieties in the back of my head surrounding things. I've always dealt with these feelings, but never labelled them as anxiety.

The "being on time thing" is one, for example, and my bizarre and complex issues surrounding intoxicant usage is another. The latter I've been more aware of and working on for years, but I've only recently realized they cause me anxiety.

I don't know, I still don't think I have problems with anxiety the way those who deal with frequent panic attacks do, but it's interesting to realize I'm not immune to irrational anxiety.

Tree Dreaming

<3 <3 <3

I am really, really enjoying the comments that are happening over here.

I love that LJ is asking for this kind of feedback. I love that so many people feel exactly the same way I do, and love the same things I do, for the same reasons.

This makes me feel hopeful. <3