November 10th, 2009

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I have DOUBLED my NaNo word count today! I'm still behind, but it's looking less horrifying. Another day like this tomorrow and I could be caught up and then some. We'll see...
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LJ Idol - Topic 4 - "Who's That Trip Trapping Over My LJ?"

Oh, it's you. Don't worry. You can stay. I like you fine. It's that other guy, you know the one, if you see him lingering around here, you can tell him to get the hell off my lawn.

...Oh, who am I kidding? You can both stay. The truth is, I write in my LJ because I want it read. I want people to be moved by my words enough to leave a comment. I want people to look at my entries and go, "Man, that kandigurl is one clever lady, I think I'd like to tell her exactly how brilliant she is! What a lucky thing that there's a "Leave a Comment" button right at the bottom of this post!"

Yup. I'm a comment whore. Guilty as charged. I'm loving the crazy amounts of comments I'm getting from these LJ Idol posts. Makes my comment whorish heart sing song upon song of the praises of LJ. I mean, I'm probably taking a risk this week by not writing about the exciting world of sexual ethics, but you know what? My mom reads this. So I'm not going there. Not this entry, anyway.

I have had this sucker since 2001 and I have never, not once, in my entire span here on LJ, considered going Friends Only. I never do friends cuts. I don't have a troll hiding under my posts waiting to eat up innocent passers-by who leave comments. Rather, I have Frank the goat on my side ready to kick the shit out of any trolls that may wander in. (I've had 'em. I blocked 'em.)

The truth is two-fold. Number one, the obvious one, the one I've already stated, is that I love the attention. I love writing posts that get read and commented on. That feeling that my inner dialogue is good enough that someone else out there feels compelled to take a few seconds out of their life typing up a response.

But the second part of it? That's the tricky part. The part I try to ignore, but is certainly there. The idea that really and truly, my posts aren't interesting enough for anyone to give a crap. That I'm not interesting enough for anyone to give a crap. I've got friends (both on LJ and in real life) who simply exude awesome, who garner hundreds of friends without really trying. It's like people just find them, friend them, and stick around to watch the awesome.

Me? I'm a faker. I write these posts in the hopes that you'll see past the laziness, the slob, the procrastinator, the endlessly tardy, the embarrassingly forgetful, and find something different. Something awesome. Something that makes you want to stick around. Because I want you to stick around, even during the times when I'm not so awesome. Even if I don't know you. Even if we've only met because you sent some pixels through the Internet and I read them here on the other side.

That's why I'll never hang a lock on this door. I need that bridge to other lives, to other people, to feel like I'm good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. I bet I'm not the only one, either. Hell, why else are we participating in this contest? We want people to take the time to read. We want people to care. We want people to comment.

So pull up a seat, friend! Hang out a while! Go back and read old entries if you want to! I'm really an interesting person to know, I swear it, just let my LJ show you...