August 20th, 2007

Tree Dreaming

Death is weird, guys.

I don't know how many of you heard about Collapse )

I knew that girl. Went to school with her. She was a friend of mine. She edited my first novel for me and I never did anything with it. She spent the night at my house and we went to Scarborough Faire together. She knew some stuff about me that nobody else knew. She liked Splender.

So I think it's very odd that I can't seem to feel any emotions about it. I've cried for people dying that I barely knew. Nicole, I knew her very well, and the only emotion I can come up with is, "Huh."

It's not that I don't care about her death. I do. It's a really shitty thing, and I have the feeling she died never knowing just how freaking cool she was. But for some reason, I'm just numb about it.

I'm going to go to the funeral on Wednesday. I think I'm just going to take the whole day off work and spend it with whatever other friends of hers from high school show up. We were all in the same circle of friends. Maybe hanging out with them will make me feel something. I WANT to feel something. This SHOULD be upsetting the hell out of me.

Maybe this is the denial phase?

ETA: It's weird, very weird, how clearly I can see her face. Feel her personality. I haven't seen her in years. I have a tough time remembering people I hung out with every day, but she's showing up for me, clear as day. *sigh* I need to cry about this, but it's just not coming.
Tree Dreaming

LJ History Catch-Up

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Oh, wow, today is not a good day for death. In doing my lj history, today is the day I posted about Ben from Summerstars dying in a car crash. The link in the post doesn't work anymore, thought.

What a twisted, bizarre coincidence. I don't know how I feel about August 20th anymore.