(my favorite part is that AnnE put this up not EIGHT HOURS AGO and it already has as many signatures (plus one)).
SECOND OF ALL:
So my poor poor hunk of metal that once could be called a "car", Rhonda, has this little problem with her eye. She doesn't like to talk about it. But sometimes when she opens her eyes, she has problems closing one of them (the one that she forgot to put eyeshadow on). And so her little brain spends all of its time trying to close her eye, even when I take the key out of the ignition, and it runs the battery down.
THIS REALLY SUCKS.
Especially when I have places to go.
So I finally juiced up the battery after banging Rhonda's eye shut with my fist (sorry Rhonda) and decided, rather firmly, no matter what the conditions, not rain, nor snow, nor dark of night (ESPECIALLY not dark of night) shall keep me from forcing Rhonda to open her eyes. (In case you haven't figured it out by now, "open her eyes" is another way of saying "turn on the headlights".) So I made it to, AND FROM, work without doing so. And this morning I get in the car. And it's dewy on the windshield. So I hit the wipers.
ONLY IT'S NOT THE WIPERS.
So I say, "Well, FUCK."
And the little light indicating that Rhonda's eye tick is acting up again comes on.
So I say, "Well, FUCK."
'Cause today I gotta get me to and from a total of THREE PLACES, KIDS.
So I drive to school and I figure I'll do what any normal woman would do, I read the manual. And it's all like, "Oh, oh, FUSES, oh, oh, TURN THIS KNOB." And this dude comes up and is all, "Do you need help? I'm a mechanic." (Side note: it turns out he was a LIAR, he was a mechanic STUDENT and his specialty was LAWN MOWERS.) So I was like, "SURE!" And we're all cranking the knob and shit, and I realize the light is sticking because the bit of plastic surrounding the light is getting stuck on the metal of the bumper.
So we finally cram the headlight down and I think, "Ah, my troubles are over!" And I start Rhonda to make sure that the little indicator light had gone off, and alas, it has not, so I use my BIG BRAIN and think, "Well, if we had to remove the fuse so we could operate the headlight manually, would it not make sense to just crank the headlight in the up position and remove the fuse altogether?"
So I did.
AND IT WORKED.
Rhonda's totally winking at everyone that crosses her path now, kickin' it in remote parking, totally not running down her battery.
She's an awesome super power.