Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face
kandigurl

It's New Year's Eve, I Guess?

I think it's most difficult for me to work during the winter months because it's so dreary outside. Dreariness to me = free day off. Of course, when EVERY day is dreary, that reasoning isn't so sound.

Ultimately, I'm feeling like not doing much of anything today, probably because I have a LOT to do today, hoop-making wise. I got a rash of post-Christmas orders. This is GOOD, I am very grateful for the influx of sales, but I'm also a bit overwhelmed, which prompts me to go into "procrastinate and hope it will all go away" mode.

It doesn't help that the kitchen smells due to some mystery dish I'm afraid to go in and clean. I am happy because we got a new island for the kitchen, one that actually rolls on its attached wheels, and one that's less bulky than the former island (but extends out to be even longer). I am still daunted by those dishes, though.

I'm trying to give myself permission to take the morning off, to not stress about getting any hoops in the mail today, to just let today be a "making" day and not a rush day. To let myself get distracted. To make this post on LJ.

I have all these big ideas and plans for the New Year (as usual - no matter how much I tell myself not to get excited, that just because the number at the year is changing, it doesn't mean I will magically become better at doing things I suck at doing - it's hard not to get a jolt of inspiration from all the "newness" we're promised). But as I sit around browsing Facebook and feeling the pull of my inane iPad games, I find myself feeling a bit down about the likelihood of those ideas actually happening. I know SOME of them will, though. Probably not in the grand, sweeping ways that I'd like, but I know they will.

In the meantime, I'll keep plugging away at this adulthood thing, doing my best. I feel a bit like this past year went by without any life lessons. I'm trying to figure out what I LEARNED, because I bought Leonie Dawson's "Create Your Shining Year" workbook and I'm trying to actually fill it out. I've scribbled in it here and there, but the very first question in the book is, "What beautiful LIFE LESSONS did you learn in 2014?"

It's still blank. I open the book up and stare at it, and I want to write, "I don't think I really learned anything in 2014." I'm sure that's not true, there has to be SOMETHING, but I am totally blanking on any big epiphanies I had during the year.

I feel like I dug around for lessons, trying to figure stuff out about myself - how I work, how I eat, how I clean, etc. - and came up just as blank and confused.

Anyway. This post is long and rambly and going nowhere, so I'll end it here.
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