Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face
kandigurl

Foooooood.

Ate too much food today. That's okay. Call it a cheat day, it will keep my metabolism guessing. The bummer part is that I had a lot of sugar today, and sugar is what's really bad for me, making my head all foggy and making me feel super shitty about myself. (Not because I ate sugar, I can forgive myself for that, but it chemically makes my thoughts more gloomy.)

Tomorrow I will eat my "normal routine" of food, though, and I should be fine.

I don't want to stress super hard about food. Having a food "routine" makes that pretty easy. I know what I'll be eating when I wake up and for snacks and all that jazz. It's actually kind of nice to not get super hungry with no idea of what to eat and just reaching for a bag of chips because it's easy.

Down 7 pounds in regard to weight.

I'm struggling a little bit with how to announce the fact that I'm actively attempting to lose weight to my YouTube channel. It's stupid, but I feel like I've become someone larger hoopers can look up to, and I'm afraid if I make my goal weight I'll be perceived as a sell out, or new hoopers won't be as inspired by my videos. Even when I'm at my goal weight, I'm still not a stick like some of these naturally skinny hoopers that tend to intimidate beginners, so I guess I still have hope for that.

I also feel like changing my eating habits with the intention of losing weight goes against the whole "love your body the way it is" mantra that "Healthy At Every Size" people embrace (even though I pretty much HATE HAES, I made a video at the beginning of the year stating that I knew I was fat but was going to work on embracing my body anyway). I'm afraid if I admit how much I hate being fat, it will alienate people that watch me for body love reasons. I'm not quite sure how to approach it. I don't want to make anyone feel bad about themselves but I also want to be honest.

Also, since I'm doing Diet Bet, I'm not losing weight the way I normally would (focusing on eating more healthy stuff and less shitty stuff). I mean, I am doing that, but I'm also keeping it within a calorie restriction. Which honestly, is a good way to do it if you're not used to controlling your portions. Also I can't afford as much of the healthy food replacements I'd eat if I had the money, so I'm going with budget-friendly options that aren't necessarily the best options.

Blergh, I don't know. I probably shouldn't stress about it too much. I'd like to tell people watching my channel about Diet Bet, but I also hate the word "diet". I hate pretty much all health buzzwords, honestly. I think they add to people's feelings of failure and low self-esteem.

Oh well, as usual I have typed a bunch of thoughts and come to no real conclusion. Also have to write my LJI entry still. I have an idea but I haven't bothered sitting down to type.
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