Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face
kandigurl

LJ Idol - Week 7

Trigger warning: Suicide

The topic hasn't been posted yet, but it doesn't matter what it is. This is my entry. I need to write it, and I need it to be read.

A few weeks ago I wrote an entry about a family I used to live with years ago, and their abusive head of household, Dave. It was the first time since I left that I'd had the strength to write about what happened while I was there.

Due to the events I just found out about, I no longer give a fuck about protecting "Dave's" identity. His real name is Jim.

A friend of mine who recently got out of the house as well contacted me today. He informed me that Jim's eldest, a beautiful 18 year old girl, killed herself this past January.

One of the same girls that I held and comforted while Jim raged downstairs.

He had the gall to post on her Facebook wall that she'd "ended the pain that she felt that none of us knew existed."

I.

CALL.

BULLSHIT.


Fuck you for not seeing her pain.

Fuck you for not noticing her face contorting every time you yelled at her, called her stupid, belittled her ideas, her life.

Fuck you for not seeing her cry when you were too selfish to take your damn pills so that you wouldn't lash out at everyone around you.

Fuck you for lying to CPS about the conditions of your house.

Fuck you for treating her like a slave instead of a child.

And FUCK. YOU. For claiming you knew her. You never even tried to get to know that girl. You never. Even. Tried.

I wished even when I left that I could have taken them with me, even though I knew it was impossible. I hated being another person who could have been a positive influence, but had to leave or perish in your bullshit.

I had always planned to contact her once she moved out, to take her places, to let her see that there's life outside of that fuckhole you called a home.

I will never get that chance.

SHE will never get that chance.

She deserved so much more, infinitely more than the crappy excuse for a life you gave her. That poor girl could have done so many things. She had such a wonderful heart, and you systematically destroyed it.

I prayed often that those girls would grow up and get away from you. I guess she did.

Be careful what you wish for.

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