Your Face (kandigurl) wrote,
Your Face
kandigurl

Tomorrow will be DAY TEN

Okay so I already failed out of LJ Idol by having way too much to do this week and completely forgetting about it. Which is also why I didn't update about day seven or eight of my yoga. They were actually pretty good days, with pretty good, strong classes. It's nice to have those once in a while so you don't feel like you're this useless waste of a person that will never improve. Today was not quite so strong, but not terrible. This was the first time I went to class in the middle of the day rather than first thing in the morning. You see, the past three days have looked like this:

THURSDAY: Get up at 8 AM, go to yoga at 9:30 AM, do yoga, go to lunch with my mom, go home, putter about and make hoops until 5 PM when I go to work, work until 10:30 PM, leave work, go to Irving to see the MIDNIGHT SHOWING OF HARRY POTTER, see the midnight showing of Harry Potter, go home and get in bed around 4 AM.

FRIDAY: Get up at 8 AM, go to yoga at 9:30 AM, do yoga, come home and change clothes, go to work at 1 PM, work until 6 PM, come home and take a one hour nap, wake up around 8ish at friends knocking on my door, ride with said friends to SEE THE FUCKING DRESDEN DOLLS, see the fucking Dresden Dolls, wait around for Amanda Palmer to appear, wait in line to fondle Amanda Palmer, fondle Amanda Palmer, allow friends to drive me back home, climb into bed around 4 AM.

SATURDAY (TODAY): Decide there's no fucking way I'm getting up to go to yoga at 8 AM (as there is no 9:30 class on Saturday), and sleep until 10:30, get out of bed to plan my hoop class for the day, teach said hoop class at noon, stick around after for friend's poi class, leave after to go to yoga at 3 PM, do yoga, leave immediately after yoga to go to work at 5 PM, get to work late, work until 10:30 PM, come home.

I AM TIRED. I flunked out of LJ Idol and I'm agonizingly behind on NaNoWriMo, and I don't even care. Luckily, I have the next two days off, and I'm doing nothing but going to yoga and maybe write a little bit. WE'LL SEE.

So today's day nine post isn't so much reflections as things I've noticed during certain postures that I'd like to write about for the sake of future Day-60-Jess. But FIRST, I would like to mention that after tomorrow's class, I will have gone to ten days of yoga in a row, which they always tell you that you should do, especially as a beginner. And I have never, ever, ever done it. I think the most days in a row I've gone to yoga is five, MAYBE seven. I don't know. I always get tired of it and let myself skip a day. If I weren't doing the challenge, I probably would have already skipped a day. Maybe four days. There have definitely been days when I woke up in the morning (Particularly Friday) when I was like, "Am I REALLY going to get up and do this to myself today?" Yes. Yes I am. EVERY DAY FOR SIXTY DAYS. I've even picked out the studio I'm going to take class at when I'm in Austin for Hoop Path in December.

Anyway, without further ado, posture notes for myself!

The following postures are ones that I have always let myself struggle with, and I'd like to focus on these postures and give extra attention to them in class as ones that are NOT hard, I do NOT struggle with, and can do fully:

Utkatasana: The second half where we have to stand up on our toes and sit the hips down.

Dandayamana-Janushirasana: I CAN balance the whole time, and I CAN kick my leg out, but I let myself drop my leg down and fall out because, historically, I have let myself believe that I can't stick out the whole posture.

Dandayamana-Dhanurasana: Same as previous posture, I let myself fall out because I have historically never held the posture the whole time.

Dandayamana-Bibhaktapada-Janushirasana: I don't know what my deal is with this one, possibly because I know once it's over we just have Tadasana and then the standing series is over. I remember a time in my practice a while back when it was one of my favorites and I could do it almost to the full expression, but these days it's a struggle. I want to focus on giving it just as much honest effort as I give the other postures.

Padangustasana: Oh my god. Trying this posture at all is facing some serious fears and making myself own up to my own insecurities. I need to start letting myself actually try in this posture, rather than just hanging there going, "Oh, this is what terror feels like. Good to know."

Dhanurasana: For some reason, I never want to get into this posture right away. The teacher says go, and I sit there like I'm glued to the floor and can't move. Start doing the posture right from the start and holding it the whole time.

Sasangasana: Another pose that used to be one of my favorites and is now something of a struggle. Like Dhanurasana, I should focus on getting into the pose immediately and not popping in and out, but holding the whole time.

These are the postures I have the biggest mental blocks on, I feel like unlocking them will unlock some other crud in me that really needs to be addressed.

I have also noticed that my fear seems to live in my lower back and my forehead. Or at least, I feel a lot of fear and emotional turmoil when I actively make myself push my eyes to search up into that space. I notice this in Ustrasana, when I challenge myself to really search past the back wall, past the floor, past my mat and try to see my feet from this backward bend. The bend itself isn't as scary as this searching with my eyes. Last time I was coming regularly, I had my camel so strong that my goal to myself was to try to get into the full expression (where you are basically doubled over backwards and looking back at the front mirror through your legs), and now I have some new fear that is blocking me. It's really pretty interesting to see what's different this time around, after a couple of years of actively doing non-yoga exercise.

Anyway. Looking forward to putting the tenth sticker on my challenge chart. Then I will be 1/6th of the way through. :)
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