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Saturday, July 23rd, 2016
7:50 pm - I Need Advice, Livejournal.
Terry Pratchett is one of my favorite authors and probably the person I most aim to emulate (or draw inspiration from, etc.) when I write myself.

He wrote his first published novel when he was 17. When he got more popular, he re-wrote and re-released it in his 40s. This revised version is very easy to get a copy of for very cheap.

For years, I've really wanted to have a full rough draft of one of my favorite author's published works, just to see the differences between that initial inspiration and what finally stayed on the page, and how they differ, what was dropped, added, etc. I'm very interested in examples of the revision process - while there's tons of examples of "finished" writing, there's not a lot of examples of "in-progress" writing.

So basically, having a copy of the original version seems as close to a "rough draft" I'm likely to find from an author I admire, and comparing it to the re-written thirty years later version seems like a fantastic example of "in-progress" writing.

HERE IS THE PROBLEM: Copies of the original unrevised 1971 version are out of print and only available in Britain, for the most part. And run $700 - $1000 on Amazon.

I did some digging and found a few copies available in the $220 - $300 range on another site.

HERE IS MY TERRIBLE IDEA.

Since I'm interested in having the two stories to compare more than "owning a first edition zomg", I'm thinking of buying one of the "cheaper" $200ish editions, copying it surreptitiously at Kinko's (perhaps in several trips so they don't get suspicious), then reselling it for the $700 price point.

I have copied an entire 500+ page textbook before once so I know it's possible and that I have the stamina for it.

I have $600 set aside to cover anything I might owe in taxes, so technically, I "have" the money. If I were able to resell the book - even for exactly what I paid for it - by February, it wouldn't make a dent financially. If I could sell it for $400 - $700, I'll have made a profit, possibly a hefty one. Condition doesn't seem to make a difference on what people charge for these since they're so rare and sought after.

The major variable is how long it would take to resell and how much I could resell it for, but I feel like overall it's not a TERRIBLE idea, just kind of a SCARY idea because it's a pretty big initial investment without a 100% GUARANTEE not to fail.

Is this worth doing? For the sake of learning to be a better writer maybe? I mean, I paid $200 for the revision course I'm taking my book through, this is only a little more than that AND I will (ideally) get the money back. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

(2 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Sunday, March 27th, 2016
1:15 pm - Jobs, and My Thoughts Thereupon
I think if this journal had a title, it'd be, "Jess's Complex, Ever-Evolving and Often Obnoxious Thoughts About Jobs".

THEY ARE A THING I THINK ABOUT ALL THE DAMN TIME. Especially now since I have a "real" one again.

I think the last time I posted I was like, "WTH I'M WORKING AT PAPA JOHN'S AND ALL THE PEOPLE HERE ARE REALLY INTO IT AND IT'S WEIRD."

I'm pretty sure I've figured out why that is. More than almost every other job I've had save for one, PJ's is really well organized. Well organized training, well organized management, really clear and easy-to-follow guidelines on how to get into those management positions and beyond. Also they pay really well for promotions (considering other jobs of a similar caliber).

From the start, they are like, "Hey, you could spend the rest of your life here and we'll show you exactly how and you have to do next to no THINKING" and it's pretty great, I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty great.

If you're a teenager and you've never had a job before and you dove right into this environment, it'd be SUPER EASY to be like, "Yes, this is where I belong, THEY GET ME, PIZZA 4 LYFE."

I'm going through management training right now to become a shift lead, because why not. I can do the job, there's lots of support for managers here, and it's a few extra bucks an hour. I just got my first paycheck at my new pay level and like....dudes....bills are paid. Things are cool for this week, at least.

For a long time I have said I prefer freedom over money. But after spending three years with as much free TIME as I can throw a stick at, worrying about where money was coming from took up a huge chunk of it.

Now, I've got this job, and I know as long as I just go in when I'm scheduled and nothing horrible happens, I will have enough money to pay for the things that need paying for and maybe a little extra.

And I can spend my free time not fretting so hardcore about money, but like, doing things for fun. Hobbies and shit. I haven't really had any hobbies for a while.

Past me would be like, "HOW DARE YOU SUCCUMB TO THE MAN, HOW HORRIBLE, BLAHHHH," but I feel a lot more relaxed and HAPPIER being allowed some time to focus on shit that isn't hustling for that dollar.

Having a job is a lot easier than trying to be an entrepreneur.

Not that that's going to stop me.

But instead of stressing over NEEDING to come up with something other people will want so I can pay my bills, I can focus instead on stuff I enjoy and see if I can mold that into something to make some extra cash.

I've been doing a bit of daily vlogging on my YouTube channel, and I had an idea for a direction my channel could go in - away from hoops but still potentially income-earning.

And I'm working on my novel again. I've busted out the tarot cards and I'm doing readings on all my main characters to really dig into who they are, and it's taking the book into a more focused direction I'm really excited about. I still have to force myself to work on that when I'm otherwise just lying around browsing Pinterest, but at least I don't have to feel guilty I'm working on it and not shit for Etsy.

(Green has taken over most of the Etsy stuff as well, taking another burden off my back while not eliminating a source of valid income.)

For now, this job is good enough. In her book Refuse to Choose, Barbara Sher talks about how having a "good enough" job is a great way to support your hobbies. A job you don't take home with you, pays the bills, and doesn't make you crazy.

I used to rage against that idea. "NO JOB IS GOOD ENOUGH, ALL JOBS SUCK YOUR SOUL AWAY!!! AUUUUGH!!!"

But right now, I get it. Right now, this job isn't driving me crazy. I actually enjoy it sometimes. I work with great people, and if I wanted to, I could continue taking steps up to keep challenging myself at work, hopefully not get bored, and earn more money so I can set stuff aside for when I'm old and not physically able to work at a breakneck restaurant pace.

And I can come home and relax, work on things that light me up and make me feel like me again, and keep moving forward.

I just wanted to get my thoughts on this out of my head. This shouldn't be epiphany-level shit, but for me, it is.

(9 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Friday, December 25th, 2015
10:26 pm - Being Human
Today was delightful, best day I've had in a while, but now it's ending and I'm feeling stressed out. Stressed that I didn't do enough with a delightful-feeling day (even though all the things I did were exactly what I wanted to be doing). Stressed that I don't know the next time I'll get to have a day like this.

I think the point of vacations is to reinvigorate you to go back to work recharged, but I've never felt that way. To me, vacations always remind me how much I don't want to have a job or responsibilities, and just spend all my time relaxed and doing things I enjoy.

Obviously, that's unsustainable.

And the "real job" I have right now honestly isn't that bad. It's just somewhere I need to be at a specific time for a set number of hours, and those are hours I can't spend doing things I like. At least for the most part I get to spend them with people I enjoy, which helps a lot - great coworkers really amp the work experience.

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of "passion". People seeking self-employment are often told to follow their passion.

I used to think my passions changed all the time, and I couldn't stick to anything, but after reading "Refuse to Choose" and learning I'm a scanner, I know that's not really true. My TRUE passion is something else. Something that connects all those things.

After dwelling on it the past couple of days, I think my true passion is learning how something works and getting really good at it. I REALLY, REALLY enjoy the process of diving into something, picking it apart, learning how to do it, and getting to the point where people who are also good at the thing are like, "Hey, you're really good at this thing. You could do GREAT THINGS with this thing."

It's a combination of all of that. The learning. The getting good. The praise. Man, I wish the praise weren't as huge a part of the thrill for me, but it is. I don't know if that makes me a bad person or just a person person, but there we are.

It happens with jobs, even though I am constantly trying to escape them. I usually love the first three months, or at least the experience of the first three months (if not so much the hours). I enjoy learning the ins and outs, proving I can do a good job, pushing my way to the head of the pack, getting the praise of my supervisors, being promoted or moved to a new position due to my skills...and once that happens, I start to get bored. I've done the fun part. The learn/improve/be praised part.

Then I want to find something new and do it all again.

I'm not entirely sure where the connective tissue is between the things I get obsessed with, though. You'd think, given that general process, I could pick up anything and enjoy the hell out of it. I probably could if I put in the effort. But sometimes I try to learn something and I don't feel enthused by it, so I drop it. And the more things start to look the same, the less interesting they are (IE: The concepts of tatting are not that different from crochet, so I'm less inclined to learn it).

I don't know if there's a good solution to this. I don't know if there's a way to turn a passion for getting just good enough at a thing to receive adulation into a sustainable career.

Right now, I sort of feel like I'm going through this process with building a business. I worry once I reach a point where I feel like I've done it, I've created a successful business, I'll get bored and not want to continue running said successful business.

Blergh. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, it's just something I've been mulling over and wanted to get out.

SO THERE IT IS.

I hope you all had lovely days as well! Hopefully ones that didn't end in an existential crisis.

(1 sore thumb | you have too many thoughts)

Monday, November 16th, 2015
2:43 pm - LJ Idol Intro
IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN! The time when I actually get back on LJ for an extendedish period, but just to make posts for a contest that only people from that contest actually read! HOORAY!!

I'm Jess, and I have absolutely no clue what my writing style is. LJ Idol is where I prove that, consistently, from week to week. Do I write wacky crackfic? Insightful non-fiction? Wacky non-fiction? Insightful crackfic?

WHO KNOWS??? I SURE DON'T!!

I do know I like capslock. And parenthetical statements. (Though I haven't used any yet this intro.)

(Wait. Fuck. Nevermind.)

I make hula hoops as my day job, and I recently started a second job at a POPULAR CHAIN PIZZA JOINT WHICH SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS to help pay the bills hoops weren't covering. Which means I have EVEN LESS TIME THAN USUAL for Idol shenanigans.

(Can every topic be the intro topic? I feel like it's always my favorite.)

Come with me on a journey through uncertainty, bad decisions, and poorly thought out ideas!

(And if you want to play, too, SIGN UP HERE!)

(58 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Monday, November 9th, 2015
1:18 pm - Major Side-Eye, Employer
My first call-in on my day off, only 12 days after beginning my employment.

LJ, DID YOU MISS ME BITCHING ABOUT WORK?? NO?? Sorry about that.

(2 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

11:21 am - LJI Friends & Rivals
Fuck it. Let's do this.

(1 sore thumb | you have too many thoughts)

Sunday, November 8th, 2015
12:43 pm - Real Job
Well, I've had a "real job" at Papa John's for two weeks now and I'm already over it. Mostly because I'm on my period and LUCKILY I got cramps yesterday when I was off work and we'd gotten home from the vending show, so I didn't have to deal with them at work...but it's a reminder that I COULD in the coming months have to deal with cramps at work, and THAT IS LESS THAN IDEAL.

Also the fact that it's Sunday, and as of right now, I have no idea what my schedule is for the week after today, and I have to leave for my final scheduled shift of the week in ten minutes, which means that until I'm able to quit, I won't be able to schedule plans with anyone more than a week in advance.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I was able to budget all the funds we need for the week, with $14 to spare.

So.

What's a bit of soul-selling for the sake of paid bills?

I'm hoping to get my Jess Hoops plans up and running by the end of the month, and see how well that goes. Ideally, I won't be at this job for very long, but I'm trying not to have a shitty mentality about it, despite the shitty post I just made. Pretend what I'm actually saying is "I'M DOING MY BEST TO HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE."

Here:

I'm grateful I was able to acquire this job without jumping through the hoops of the job search. (PUN INTENDED???????)

I'm grateful this job understands I run another job that takes priority, and I was able to get yesterday off no-questions-asked to go hock my hoops.

I'm grateful the bills are covered because that shit is stressful.

Now to put on my monkey suit and make pizzas for people who feel the need to call corporate because they only got one Parmesan packet instead of three. At least their father isn't dying, like the angry customers from my last job. And at least I have enough experience with angry customers at this point in my life that I can laugh internally while playing the "I'm so sorry, what can we do to fix it?" game out loud.

(you have too many thoughts)

Wednesday, October 14th, 2015
1:44 pm - Thhptpptptpt
My uterus hurts so I'm not working.

(you have too many thoughts)

Friday, October 9th, 2015
9:31 pm - NEW BEAUTIFUL HORRIBLE IS COMING MY WAY
Today I actually sold some hoops, which is great.

And tomorrow, I get my hands on the BRAND NEW TWILIGHT BOOK.

YES YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY THERE IS A BRAND NEW TWILIGHT BOOK. OH MY GOD. IT'S GOING TO BE SO TERRIBLE, AND YET SO WONDERFUL.

Smeyers wrote the exact same stories but with the genders swapped. So the "Bella" character is a boy named "Beau" and the "Edward" character is a girl named "Edythe".

BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO PROVE BELLA ISN'T JUST A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS AND SHE'S NOT JUST A TERRIBLE WRITER. SHE'S WRITING A "GUYS, YOUR VALID CONCERNS ABOUT MY STORY ARE BULLSHIT, LET ME JUST REWRITE IT THIS WAY TO PROVE IT" BOOK.

IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING I CAN'T WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT.

(you have too many thoughts)

Thursday, October 8th, 2015
7:01 pm - RESPONSIBLE.
I am posting because I have re-self-imposed the rule of posting when something brings me back to LJ, be it a comment or someone reminding me that LJ exists.

Today I was very responsible. I announced the winner for the hoop contest I was running and I contacted my mailing list about it. 74 people have opened said e-mail and 10 of those people have clicked on things in it. THANKS FOR THE STATS, MAILCHIMP, YOU WIN THE INTERNET.

I don't think I've mentioned here yet that I finally signed up for Leonie Dawson's Business Academy thing. Which is basically just a monthly fee you pay to have access to all of her courses and FB group and anything else she doles out by way of advice or help over the course of your membership. She was running a sale last month and it was finally affordable enough for me to bite the bullet and go for it.

So now I'm learning all these THINGS about BUSINESSING and I've got a billion IDEAS and I'm trying to DO some of them. Most of these things revolve around actually setting up my website and turning it into a decent, functional, navigable thing that isn't lying around on Wordpress, sad and neglected.

Unfortunately, my friend who was theoretically building my website for me four years ago had some e-mails get lost in the shuffle of e-mail land and lost the rights to jesshoops.com, which we both totally failed for months to remember to transfer over to me.

So now I'm in this waiting game of checking every day to see if it's available again. It could be available this week. It might not be available until a month from now. I DON'T KNOW ISN'T THAT FUN?

In the meantime, I'm super motivated to consolidate all the things onto one site, and print up promotional materials with proper links so that everything points to the right place, but I can't do that.

It sucks extra hard because I feel like I have an idea that could help me earn some extra, slightly more passive income. And sales are slow as balls right now, because a) It's not festival season, and b) a bunch of shops have popped up charging basically the cost of materials for hoops, and they're getting practically allllllllll the hoop sales. I honestly don't know how much of an effect the pop up shops are having on my sales, but all of my fellow hoop making friends are experiencing pitiful sales of late as well.

SO I'M TRYING NOT TO PANIC. I'm going to keep doing my best to implement what business I can while things are slow, because what else can I do? We have enough money to get us through to next month, but after that, I really need to come up with some sort of Hail Mary business pass, or suck it up and get a holiday job maybe. Green not working means I'm carrying us, and I can't do that on shitty sales.

(6 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Wednesday, October 7th, 2015
10:41 am - Also
Also, I've begun seeing this when I scroll all the way to the bottom of LJ. I'm pretty sure it's LJ's way of saying, "JESUS CHRIST WE STOPPED USING THIS SITE LAYOUT OVER A DECADE AGO WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO KEEP MAKING IT HAPPEN."

Cut for mad sizeCollapse )

(2 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

10:33 am - Or not to retrograde
Scrolling through my FL yesterday showed a lot of folks thrilled and happy about life, which would fly DIRECTLY IN THE FACE of this retrograde nonsense. How can one be happy when Mercury appears to be moving backwards? WHAT SORT OF PLANETARY WIZARD ARE YOU???

Anyway, I still feel vaguely shitty about the friend stuff, but I'll get over it. I think it's more like a general life malaise I've been battling for some time now. I did some exercising last night to get my body moving and sweat flowing, and I'll try to keep up with that because I know I feel better when I do the body moving thing on a regular basis. It's just so much easier to NOT do the things I know make me feel better, you know?

WHY YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THAT, LIFE??? Why not make eating a candy bar have the same effect as exercising daily? *glares at life*

(you have too many thoughts)

Friday, March 27th, 2015
8:06 pm - Well!
There's been an LJI friending frenzy, so I should probably post to make it look like I do that!

I really have been posting a lot more in the past year or so, but honestly, that could mean anything from "daily" to "once every two weeks".

VEDA's coming up and I'm not sure if I'm going to do it - it's REALLY hard, I'm finding, to make videos when Green is home all the time. I got so used to having chunks of time where she was at work and I could take my time setting up, doing it anywhere, and acting the fool.

Now with us both working at home, space to vlog is limited, time to vlog is limited, and desire to vlog is SEVERELY limited because I haaaaaaaaaaate doing it in front of other people.

Whine whine whine, #firstworldproblems.

Anyway, I have jumped back into novel revision after another three month delay. (I'm working through Holly Lisle's "How To Revise Your Novel" course, because after years of attempting to revise my own novels, I decided I want someone to hold my hand through it at least once.)

I FINALLY finished lesson five today. It took me a little over a week, but I didn't work on it every single day.

I've read lesson 6, and I'm pretty confused by it. I really like Holly's course so far, and I'm trying to trust the process, but this lesson feels like it has really vague instructions and I'm not entirely sure what to do. Which is frustrating when I want to be given very specific instructions. So I guess I'll spend some time poking around on the forums and attempting to come up with a battle plan, then charging in. As long as I don't take a 2-3 month break in between this lesson, I'll be fine.

My goal is to finish all of the lessons up to the final type-in before NaNoWriMo this year, and use the momentum I feel during NaNo to do the type-in and final revision. It won't be a "true" NaNo, but I've been NaNoing since '02 and I've legit won at least 6 times, so now I just use it to get more writing done. This book started out as a NaNo novel - it should finish as one, too! Because hopefully this will be the last major draft before it's readable.

ANYWAY. That's my life. Attempting vlogs. Attempting revisions. Also making hoops. This has been a CRAZY busy month for my Etsy shop, and I don't know where everyone came from, but I finally had a little break today since I emptied my queue yesterday.

THE END.

(3 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Monday, March 2nd, 2015
12:10 pm - Gettin' Butthurt on the Internet
So Gary posted in the LJI Green Room about an issue I'd never personally heard of, but figured my SJW friends would have a lot of Things To Say about, were it brought up. The issue in question being: Is it okay for allies to use the phrase "coming out" to announce their support for the LGBTQ community?

For reasons I'm not entirely sure of, I re-posted the issue to my FB asking for opinions.

Sure enough, the exact people I thought would take issue came in with flowery-worded comments about how it is SO WRONG and people should be SUPER ASHAMED AND KNOW BETTER.

Ultimately, I got that overwhelming feeling I get so many times during these discussions - that nitpicking the wrong- or right-ness of an issue dissolves its meaning.

I'm reading all of these comments by people who feel VERY STRONGLY that ANYONE who would do this particular thing is an ASSHOLE.

And I mean - probably, those people are trying to NOT be an asshole.

I can't help feeling like everyone throwing such a huge shit-fit about which terms are the right terms, and how everyone should know EVERY TERM EVERY TIME or else they're an INSENSITIVE DICKHEAD might actually be turning potential allies away. "This shit's too complicated for me, man. Don't want to say the wrong thing and get eaten alive."

I wouldn't blame them. I don't even enjoy throwing in my two cents in discussions of this sort due to the crazy "know the right words and exactly how to say them or you're not allowed to have an opinion" witch hunt that ensues. For all their talk of "derailing discussion", I feel like this constant fear of saying the wrong thing derails way more discussions than it starts.

(18 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Tuesday, February 24th, 2015
12:03 am - The Dong Shop
Last night, I dreamed that I was in my old high school, but it wasn't my old high school (you know how dreams are), and I was in the library and I came upon this little zine called "The Dong Shop".

It was an 8th-size zine, but thick and bound nicely, probably it was forty or fifty pages, which is pretty long for an 8th-size.

Anyway, I opened it up and read a bit, it was arranged in sort of an artsy way, and was about this dude whose friend Stacey dragged him to a "Dong Shop".

I am now fascinated with writing this story, about a dude insecure about going into a sex shop and can only focus on the dildos. I also think it's hilarious that he refers to the place as a "Dong Shop". I'm not sure if I could make it all artsy and fill forty or fifty pages (even small ones), but I feel like it's my duty to write it.

It's like how Stephanie Meyer felt it was her duty to write Twilight after it came to her in a dream. "The Dong Shop" has got to be at least as good as Twilight.

(2 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Sunday, February 15th, 2015
4:10 pm - Boop.
Having weird blah-like feelings of exhaustion for no apparent reason today. Perhaps it's exhaustion from lack of activity. I don't know. I don't feel like being enthusiastic about hoops today. Maybe it's the weather. It's all grey and dreary. *shakes fist*

(you have too many thoughts)

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2015
11:24 pm - Sleep, HA, sleep is for fools!
So tonight is one of those nights where I was exhausted all day for no apparent reason, went to bed early expecting to poop right the fuck out, read for a bit, then suddenly was so awake that I felt like I might not get ANY sleep.

Probably I will get tired by the end of this post, as that seems to be the way things go.

Working from home has warped my perception of "productive" quite a bit, I think. Today, I finished up the final formatting and edits for my first mini-course e-book (a small one, not the one I'm most excited about, which I need to finish WRITING), uploaded a video to the new collab channel three other YouTube friends and I are launching, and finished a quilt block.

But I didn't make any hoops. So it wasn't a productive day.

Silly brain.

I'm reading Amanda Palmer's book, "The Art of Asking", which so far is just an autobiography of her life, but I'm adoring every god damn page. She reminds me why I fell in love with her as an artist in the first place, why I looked up to her, etc. She also reminds me how stagnant and un-me-like I've become in the past few years of being at home so much.

I used to travel a lot and crash on a lot of stranger's couches, try a lot of things, interact with a lot of people. These days, I'm at home pretty much all the time, and too much human interaction wears me out. I don't know if it's just because I'm out of practice, or if it's because I'm genuinely becoming a hermit. I hope it's the former. Hanging out with people really used to recharge my batteries.

I want to market like Amanda. Like Amanda and John Green, and even Kevin Smith, even though I don't keep up with him much anymore. They're my three Artist Role Models - the musician model, the writer model, and the filmmaker model.

Their version of marketing is what I strive to emulate: Be yourself. Be it all over the Internet. When you've got something to sell, people will buy because they love YOU and want to support you. I love the stuff all three of those people create, but I love it all the more because I feel like I know so much about them. None of them shy away from getting personal and sharing bits of themselves most standard marketers would consider iffy. (Well, John Green keeps some stuff close to the chest, but I definitely know WAY more about him than any other author I read.)

I've been doing a lot of marketing research in the past several months. Taking classes on how to improve your social media skills and how to sell your products and this and that and so on and so forth.

I just...don't like any of it. And I don't really feel that much of it is necessary.

I feel like forming connections, talking to people, engaging them, sharing myself openly and honestly, that's the way to sell shit.

And then I am disappointed because I haven't been doing a very good job of sharing myself lately, and I worry that due to being home all the time and not interacting with many people, I'm turning into the sort of person who doesn't really have that much to share.

I don't know. Maybe I should share that. (I guess I'm sharing it here, but here doesn't really count. LJ is still sort of my private space, even though I know a few people follow me here who found me through other channels. YOUTUBE CHANNELS, LOLOLOLOL.)

Anyway. Pfffffffffft. I guess I'll go back to browsing the Internet and hoping I discover something interesting to hold my interest until I'm tired again. Or I'll go back upstairs and keep reading.

(2 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Friday, January 30th, 2015
10:11 pm - Failing the Death Pact
I hope Brianne doesn't kill me.

But I should probably UPDATE anyway. LJ always seems like a much safer place to bitch than Facebook. Not that I specifically have anything to bitch about, just a bunch of little annoyances.

I started going back to yoga yesterday. I had a fantastic class. Yesterday.

Today, I felt like class ran me over with a steamroller, and the feeling lingered all day. My neck is sore as fuck and just holding my head up is painful. I hope that dissipates soon.

I came home to find that the city water utilities had dug a giant hole right in front of the gate to our house, and a huge crane was blocking our driveway. Luckily, they finished up their work today so they're all gone and the hole's filled in, but it pissed me off that we didn't have any warning this would happen. We could have planned to be absent today.

I also filmed a vlog for the first time in ages yesterday, and went to edit it today. I forgot a key thing - turn off every god damn fan. There's a heater fan blowing the entire time, making the sound quality ATROCIOUS. Also, since Green is home all day er'ry day now, I'm awkward as fuck and pausing all the time since I'm not used to vlogging in front of people.

Up shot - the video is terrible, I want to re-film it.

Green quit her job last week, and while she really needed to (it was making her cry every day and no one deserves that), the burden of money earning is on me. I've been consistently earning enough to cover my half of the bills, but doubling that - and quickly - will be a challenge, and I won't even really get to reap the benefits of the increased income since I'll just be covering both of us and we'll still be at the same quality of living as we are now. Green has plans to earn a little bit of extra money, but she probably won't be earning much for a while. I have a buffer of about $1,000 we can use to get us through a month or two, but that's money I was hoping to use to fix my car finally, and this basically means I'm shit out of luck as far as fixing it goes. I'll probably have to sell it.

I don't blame Green for any of this. It's exactly what I did two and a half years ago, and it put her in just as uncomfortable a position for a while. I know we'll get through it, it just takes a lot of the plans I had and kind of dumps them on their head, and the adjustment period is no fun.

In other news, I filled out my FAFSA, because for some reason I think going back to school would be the best thing to do when we're in Mega Tight Income Land? But every tax season I'm like, "Why the fuck aren't I a CPA so I can just do this shit myself and know I'm doing it right?" So I'd like to do that. Go back to school to learn how to CPA.

I like to think that I'd be the avant-garde CPA who only works with quirky small businesses like mine and makes no money because small business like mine don't have a lot of money to pay CPAs. But really, it'd be a good fall back job for when I can't stand making hoops, or I just need a break from trying to sustain a social media presence, and I can sink into the background and just do taxes all day.

There will always be taxes. It's probably the most secure self-employment job a person can have. Which is funny, considering how I've spent my life trying to figure out how to not work a "real job". But at least I can still work for myself and make (largely) my own rules, work my own hours, etc. I imagine myself as sort of a back-alley CPA, whispering to people I like and saying, "Hey...need tax help? Here's my card..." and then slurking away, looking shifty-eyed at the people who might have boring tax returns I don't want to do.

Anyway. What the hell am I even talking about. Let's end this post now.

(13 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Thursday, January 15th, 2015
3:56 pm - The New Desk
As good as it's going to get, cleanliness-wise. :) We ended up switching the spots where our desks were, so I have the corner now, which affords me a bit more wall space, which means CALENDARS!!! Which means problem solved as far as the main thing bumming me out about the new desk.

Plus, I get an awesome place to display my myriad T-Rexes and Pinkie Pies.

image1 (2)

This picture is kind of shit, but whatever.

I'm sloooooowly getting the house back in a bit of order after the Big Rearrange. This is the most we've moved the furniture in here in over a year, and the first time Green has EVER moved out of the corner since we've lived here. I've always secretly coveted it. :)

(5 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

Saturday, January 10th, 2015
5:05 pm - DESSSSSSSK.
I got a new one. It has features I really dig, such as shelving above the desk itself, and a lot of space so that my hoop tape can be directly on my desk with me. It has features I dig less, such as a keyboard tray that is way too low for me and hurts my back, so the keyboard sits on the desk itself. I'll have to come up with some clever use for the keyboard tray.

Also, my old mini-desk had a junk drawer that I loved, because it reminded me of the junk drawer I used to have growing up. New desk has potentially HUGE drawers, but it turns out they're just there for file folders, and are open on the sides. I could probably take some pieces of plywood and turn them into full drawers, but will I? Doubtful.

Anyway, I'm feeling a mixture of happiness and sadness about the new desk. Green got the old one. I wish there were a way to raise this bugger up a few inches, that would improve things dramatically. A new desk CHAIR wouldn't hurt either, but the one I want is $400 (I'm unwilling to thrift that).

Oh yeah, I don't think I mentioned that I got New Desk at the thrift store - $40. Decent price for a huge piece of furniture! I'm sure I will adjust to its quirks soon enough.

(2 sore thumbs | you have too many thoughts)

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