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Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
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9:18 pm - LJ Idol - Topic 4 - "Who's That Trip Trapping Over My LJ?"
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Oh, it's you. Don't worry. You can stay. I like you fine. It's that other guy, you know the one, if you see him lingering around here, you can tell him to get the hell off my lawn.
...Oh, who am I kidding? You can both stay. The truth is, I write in my LJ because I want it read. I want people to be moved by my words enough to leave a comment. I want people to look at my entries and go, "Man, that ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kandigurl is one clever lady, I think I'd like to tell her exactly how brilliant she is! What a lucky thing that there's a "Leave a Comment" button right at the bottom of this post!"
Yup. I'm a comment whore. Guilty as charged. I'm loving the crazy amounts of comments I'm getting from these LJ Idol posts. Makes my comment whorish heart sing song upon song of the praises of LJ. I mean, I'm probably taking a risk this week by not writing about the exciting world of sexual ethics, but you know what? My mom reads this. So I'm not going there. Not this entry, anyway.
I have had this sucker since 2001 and I have never, not once, in my entire span here on LJ, considered going Friends Only. I never do friends cuts. I don't have a troll hiding under my posts waiting to eat up innocent passers-by who leave comments. Rather, I have Frank the goat on my side ready to kick the shit out of any trolls that may wander in. (I've had 'em. I blocked 'em.)
The truth is two-fold. Number one, the obvious one, the one I've already stated, is that I love the attention. I love writing posts that get read and commented on. That feeling that my inner dialogue is good enough that someone else out there feels compelled to take a few seconds out of their life typing up a response.
But the second part of it? That's the tricky part. The part I try to ignore, but is certainly there. The idea that really and truly, my posts aren't interesting enough for anyone to give a crap. That I'm not interesting enough for anyone to give a crap. I've got friends (both on LJ and in real life) who simply exude awesome, who garner hundreds of friends without really trying. It's like people just find them, friend them, and stick around to watch the awesome.
Me? I'm a faker. I write these posts in the hopes that you'll see past the laziness, the slob, the procrastinator, the endlessly tardy, the embarrassingly forgetful, and find something different. Something awesome. Something that makes you want to stick around. Because I want you to stick around, even during the times when I'm not so awesome. Even if I don't know you. Even if we've only met because you sent some pixels through the Internet and I read them here on the other side.
That's why I'll never hang a lock on this door. I need that bridge to other lives, to other people, to feel like I'm good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. I bet I'm not the only one, either. Hell, why else are we participating in this contest? We want people to take the time to read. We want people to care. We want people to comment.
So pull up a seat, friend! Hang out a while! Go back and read old entries if you want to! I'm really an interesting person to know, I swear it, just let my LJ show you...
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12:22 am
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I have DOUBLED my NaNo word count today! I'm still behind, but it's looking less horrifying. Another day like this tomorrow and I could be caught up and then some. We'll see...
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| Monday, November 9th, 2009
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3:06 am - KEVIN SMITHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Really? I only have one Kevin Smith related icon? Okay. (Not that I don't love the crap out of this one. It's awesome and mrgazpacho made it for me and it's great!)
So Kevin Smith came to Dallas on Saturday and the thing is, because I am entirely devoid of cash monies, I'd resigned myself to not being able to go. "I have all but one of the Evening Withs on DVD," I said to myself. "It can't be much different."
And then my friend Mike (who belongs to one gutterballjen) was like, "Oh hey, I can't go, you want my ticket? Also there's a meet and greet." And I was like, "................UM YES."
So I went with Mike's brothers, and here's the thing, I freaking love Kevin Smith and he was fantastic and wonderful and hilarious and he talked for three hours and if I wasn't dying of hunger I could have easily listened to him talk for another three hours. And I love him. And all I wanted to do at the meet and greet was giving him a big fucking hug for being so awesome.
SO I TOTALLY DID. I was like, "I HAVE NO CAMERA I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU." (Now I really wish I had brought my camera with me, but when I go to House of Blues, I don't really like carrying anything and I didn't have any pockets and the point is I totally suck.) And he was like, "OKAY" and he gave me a big huge bear hug and then apologized for sweating on me and I had to refrain from being like "THAT'S OKAY HERE LET ME WIPE YOUR SWEAT OFF ON MY SHIRT AND THEN I WILL JUST NEVER WASH IT EVER AGAIN" because I am sane like that.
And anyway, Kevin Smith is totally adorable and cuddly and he TOTALLY REMEMBERED OUR BRIEF TWITTER CONVERSATION. I was like, "I don't know if you remember but you asked on Twitter about the British Office and Tim's note to Dawn," and he was like, "Oh, man, that was you? You totally helped us out!" And then he OFFERED ME HIS HAND FOR A HIGH FIVE and I GRACIOUSLY HIGH-FIVED THE MAN. And then he said how crazy it was to meet people on the Internet and then meet them in real life and the point of this story is KEVIN SMITH AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS AND THAT IS JUST HOW IT IS NOW YOU GUYS.
In other news, I took a bye week on ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) therealljidol even though the topic was really "easy" this week, and I'm really behind on NaNo, but I just bought some TimTams from the store I work at now and I'm TOTALLY HAVING A TIMTAM SLAM WHEN I HIT 10K.
Okay, I'm turning off capslock and going to bed.
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| Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
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12:22 am - LJ Idol - Topic 2 - Uphill, both ways, barefoot
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I found salvation in a plastic hula hoop.
It's true. I wouldn't lie to you. I suck at lying.
There's a higher power in that spin, that flow. My sins are forgiven with every push and pull of my hips, my chest, my arms, even my legs. When I'm in a crowd of other hoopers - that is my church. When I'm alone with my iPod and my rhythm - that is how I pray.
( The rest is behind a cut, to spare any non-LJ-Idolers on my fl )
(This post has been brought to you by therealljidol™)
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| Sunday, October 25th, 2009
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7:00 pm - So. Done.
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So here's the deal. I'm done people-pleasing. It never works out for me. If you're destined to end up hating my guts, may as well get it over with up front, right?
I waste a lot of time listening to people's stories about how so-and-so done them wrong, and pledging in my heart that I will never be that person. Then I waste even more time struggling to keep up appearances that I am not that person. That I'm better than that. That I'll never let you down. I'll even think to myself, "Would I be doing this if I didn't want to look better than that so-and-so I heard about?" Answer? Maybe. But probably not.
Because you know what? Fuck. Sometimes I let people down. Sometimes I am that person. Sometimes I'm going to be the one the stories are about, when you're sitting around, after a few drinks, "You won't believe what this bitch did once." Yeah. Sometimes that bitch is gonna be me.
And from this point on, I'm okay with it. I try to be a nice person, but if being "nice" to you means fucking things up for me, forget it. Let's just get it out of the way now so I don't waste any more time.
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| Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
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4:05 pm - Lady Gaga
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So I think I'm going to have to buy the Lady Gaga album so that I can hoop to "Beautiful Dirty Rich", because I'm kind of in love with that particular song. But I can't because I'm BROKE.
DID YOU KNOW LADY GAGA IS A HERMAPHRODITE?? I found this out about a month ago and every time I think about it, it makes me bizarrely happy. Like life can't be all bad if a friggen' hermaphrodite is a super famous pop star.
I'm...ending this post now.
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| Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
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4:45 pm - Blargh.
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Trying to write, and having minimal success. I've written just over 400 words in the past hour. I think I'm going to stop for now, go home and run, then try again.
Bad day, but not as bad as it could be. Work is going well. Want to do some MAJOR CLEANING IN MY APARTMENT today. It really helps me a lot to have someone sit with me while I clean, but I need to get over that because I should be able to just motivate myself to clean on my own. I want this space freaking CLEAN so that I can pull my mind out of funks quicker and put myself in the right head space to work.
Tried to do a health and wellness vlog yesterday but the camera screwed up, and I'm really not in the mood to post it anyway. Ugh, sucky mood, go away says I.
Running will help. My goal was twenty-five minutes today but I think I may try for a solid thirty.
I've got a date with a treadmill!
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| Sunday, October 18th, 2009
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4:28 pm - EXERCISE
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So my mom and I went to her neighborhood "club house" to run on the treadmills there today. I've been doing the Couch to 5K thing, and have done some fairly consistent running over the past few months now, but in the Biggest Loser book (which my mom has because it is her favorite show), there's a treadmill interval workout for increasing the pace. I was intrigued, so we gave it a go!
IT'S HARD. I did fifteen minutes of it, then I was like, "Okay, I'm just going to run ten minutes at my normal pace and call it a day." I did run for two minutes at 7 MPH though! BUT....BUT IT WAS HARD.
Blah blah blah. Feeling really good about myself, though. Back to counting calories, since that seemed to be working and also it helped me keep track of my planner, so I stayed better organized with day to day things anyway. I kind of want to get a planner with an entire page for each day, but I really like the one auracel got me, too. I just wish there were more space to write.
UM. THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING GOING ON THAN THE FACT THAT I RAN TODAY.
*thinks*
I got nothing.
OH! I don't know if I announced it on LJ, but I've officially got a job at Tom Thumb. My first day is tomorrow. I'm pretty excited because I'm sick of sitting on my butt in an office, I stopped enjoying my job at RAZ when they took me off the customer service phones, so I'm excited to get back to doing a job that puts you right there with the customers again. Plus, it's two bucks an hour more than I was expecting to make with a job like this. SO I'M PLEASED. Not a lot of hours yet, but, you know, that should get better when they see how friggen' awesome I am.
MAN THAT WAS STILL BORING.
In case you're curious, since I started counting calories and running (as well as continuing to hoop and and occasionally doing some other exercise-y things), I've dropped down to 170, which is a significant drop from when I was my heaviest (202). Although I think I was more around 190 when I "officially" started paying more attention to my health.
Do you like how this entry went one place, went another place, then looped back around to the first place? IT'S THE BEST.
So anyway, I've kind of been wanting to do a vlog on general health and well-being, from the perspective of someone who's lived a generally unhealthy life and is working on fixing things. Would anyone be interested in watching that? Don't know if I'm actually going to do it or not. Maybe I should try it for a month or so and see how it's going and if I'm motivated to keep it up.
OKAY I'M GOING TO STOP NOW BECAUSE MY MOM'S MAKING ME A FRUIT SMOOTHIE AND I WANT TO DRINK THE CRAP OUT OF IT.
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| Thursday, October 15th, 2009
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7:09 pm - LJ Idol - Topic 1 - Empty Gestures
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"I'm sorry."
Am I only saying it to move forward, or do I really mean it? Do I even know?
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I made a mistake, I'll try harder next time, I didn't mean it..."
What I'm really saying is, will you please just freaking realize I'm human and forgive me so I can try harder to not fuck up next time?
"I'm sorry. I really am. I'll make it up to you! I'll buy you dinner!"
I want you to ignore the fact that I am stupid more often than I'd like to be, and go back to thinking I'm awesome. I'd like us both to just pretend that I never make mistakes, and perhaps with this shared burger, you will never think of what I did to you again.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I had a lot on my plate today. It's just one of those days."
It's not like you never mess up, either, you know. It's not like you're perfect. Why do we go around judging each other all the time when we both make so many mistakes it's impossible to count them all?
"I'm so, so, so, so sorry."
No, I'm not.
(This post has been brought to you by therealljidol™)
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6:49 pm - Heroes
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I wanted to make a post on some of my heroes, and why I consider them heroes and stuff like that. But I think I just want to post this video that one of said heroes posted recently, that's got me bawling like a baby because of how powerfully it impacted me. All of this can be applied to life and not just the hoop.
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1:45 am - Apparently we can vote for entries already!
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But it doesn't really count, it's just a "test of the voting system" or what have you. (This is for therealljidol, by the way!)
If you think my intro post was worth voting for, you can vote here, I'm in the second poll. But given that it's in alphabetical order, I'm sure you would have figured that out. :)
ANYBODY CAN VOTE, as long as you have an lj, it's not just LJ Idol people!
ALSO, do you guys want me to let you know when new voting is available? (Presumably there will be voting for each topic, which will start to happen weekly VERY SOON.) Or will that just get endlessly annoying? Let me know! I don't want to bug you. Much. ;)
(This post has been brought to you by therealljidol™)
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| Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
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11:56 am - Books!
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So there's going to be a story update today, I promise, because I'm working on it right now. I plan to write for another hour and then I have to head up to Tom Thumb. (Because I have a job there, you see. I AM A WORKING WOMAN NOW.) But in the mean time, I keep forgetting to update my Books Read This Year list, so here goes with that:
Book 22/30 - Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan
Book 23/30 - The Realm of Possibility by David Levithan
I really want to read everything this man has ever written, but they're in short supply on paperback swap. They're all on my wishlist, though! Anyway, I liked Boy Meets Boy the best. David Levithan has a way of writing about falling in love that makes you feel like you're right there. He describes it so perfectly, yet succinctly. I'm jealous of his skillz. WANT MOAR.
I'm almost done with Let it Snow by Maureen Johnson, John Green and Lauren Myracle, which I borrowed from auracel when I was visiting. So far it's awesome. There's three different Christmas romance stories by three different authors, but they all take place in the same town and they're all linked loosely to each other. Since I'm a sucker for things like that, I'm really digging it!
Okay, enough talk of books. Back to writing.
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| Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
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2:57 am - I'VE COME UP WITH A TITLE FOR MY NANO NOVEL.
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The Wall is a Unicorn.
Inspired by John Green's hatred of unicorns.
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| Thursday, October 8th, 2009
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1:40 pm - Fangirling
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THEY ARE PLAYING THE THEME SONG TO THE BRITISH OFFICE IN COFFEE HAUS RIGHT NOW. *SQUEE*
In related news, Kevin Smith totally replied to one of my tweets regarding the British Office.
The tweets went like this:
ThatKevinSmith: Brit OFFICE Christmas special: what'd Tim's note to Dawn (with the paints) say? Totally blanking.
kandigurl: @ThatKevinSmith, it says "never give up". :)
ThatKevinSmith: Via @kandigurl: "it says 'never give up'." The wife and I thank you. Such a killer line. So jealous...
I think it made my whole day. And now I really, really, really want to watch the British Office Christmas Special.
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| Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
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11:14 pm - LJ Idol - Topic 0 - Introduction
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Hello, I am Jujubii, and I'm a level 62 fire mage.
Hello, my name is Jessica, and I am a human girl who has been on this Earth for 25 years not counting the time spent in utero. I love pizza. Like, a lot.
I use emoticons to much, but for some reason, only in comments.
I've been addicted to LJ since the tender age of seventeen. Since then I've learned that my entire life revolves around the Internet and I would never get anything done without it. Which seems counter-intuitive since one could argue I waste lots of time here. I prefer to look at it as spending lots of time being inspired by awesome.
My most recent waste of time involved parodying the entire friggen' Twilight series under the LJ name xlormp. This crazy ride lasted a little over a year, and now that the last book is finally done, I'm not entirely sure I've processed it all. The journal made the LJ spotlight way back in the middle of the first book and has opened up the door to meeting some epically awesome LJ folks. Who like reading what I write. Which is totally okay with me. AND ALSO I LOVE THEM. (Them being the folks I've met because of the parody, which is about aliens and not vampires in case you were wondering.)
Other things I've done on LJ involve a lot of Harry Potter nerdiness, and the community hogwarts_elite. I'm a Hufflepuff, and now you can stop staying up all night driven by insane curiosity. You're welcome.
Sometimes, when you are a man woman, you wear stretchy pants dance with a hula hoop. In your room. It is for fun.
Yes, I like to dance with hula hoops. Sometimes those hula hoops are on fire at the time. I would like to make this my profession. But life keeps distracting me. (Not the board game or the cereal. Real Life. "RL", for those of you from the Internet.)
OTHER PERTINENT INFORMATION: Roller coasters. They are made of violently epic win. I love them. Here is a picture of me on a roller coaster.
That was a picture of me on a roller coaster. The Gemini at Cedar Point, in fact. Cedar Point is probably my favorite place on the whole entire planet.
JOB INFO: I am currently Barely Employed after a long bout of being Very Unemployed. I'm actively trying to become Even More Employed, even though I totally hate life as an employed person, but the government has stopped paying me to be unemployed, so it's time to bite the bullet and join the workforce again.
ALSO I AM A NERDFIGHTER. DFTBA.
(This post has been brought to you by therealljidol™)
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| Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
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11:25 pm - A Post About LIFE, Because I Do That Sometimes (And By LIFE I Mean Animal Crossing)
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So as you all know, it's the Acorn Festival in Animal Crossing right now. And if you don't know, it's probably because you're out doing more interesting things with your life than being obsessed with a stupid DS game. That's okay. I forgive you.
I had a nightmare about the Acorn Festival the night before it actually started. I think it's a testament to how unfortunate my Animal Crossing obsession has become*. I dreamed that Tortimer had gone crazy and transformed the town into a scary, reality-shifting carnival of terror, and the only place I was safe was in the confines of my in-game home. And even then, the weird shit tried to get me.
It didn't help that when I turned on the game to play, Tortimer was wearing this fucking acorn mask and cackling creepily whenever I talked to him.
So you can imagine how traumatizing it was the following day to read this, linked via Twitter by auracel. I read the entire thing after getting home from work, feeling kind of light headed and pretty hungry, and in generally funky head space. Needless to say, I dreaded going to sleep last night a little more than usual**.
*Also the fact that this isn't the first Animal Crossing nightmare I've had. I had another one when I was worried I might never get my golden slingshot.
**I didn't have any weird Animal Crossing dreams last night. Also, my town doesn't have very many acorns in it because I replaced all of the trees with fruit trees. I AM SEEING THE ERROR OF MY WAYS NOW.
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9:17 pm - Because I'm not writing enough already or something?
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I'm going to try out this LJ Idol thing. Because I don't know what it is, really, but it seems intriguing. And that's a good enough reason to do ANYTHING, right?
They're making me make this post.
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| Monday, October 5th, 2009
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1:30 am - HA RAH 30K YARS.
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421.27 / 500 dollars for rent. 84% there!
30498 / 42127 words. 72% done!
I looked up, hoping maybe somehow, maybe, if I just wished hard enough, Wake wouldn't be standing behind me. But he was. He was right there, and I wanted to hate him, because that would have made things so much easier. Miles easier. Eons easier. But I couldn't hate him, because years and years worth of crush all piled on me at once, and I could see the way his hair fell in soft waves to right above his ear, and the way his lips did that thing that made them match perfectly somehow with his nose, and then he adjusted the strap of his backpack on his shoulder, which of course drew my eyes to those arms. Those arms.
And then I realized I was staring. I averted my eyes to the floor. "Um. What do you want?"
( Defeating the 30K mark is a powerful feeling, JUST SO YOU KNOW. )
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| Sunday, October 4th, 2009
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10:54 pm - I can taste you, 30K!
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9:41 pm - I can't believe I didn't think of this before.
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Poll #1466585 Want to be filtered?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 48Would you like to be filtered out of my story posts? Ticky boxes?
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3 (6.2%)